Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize