Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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