Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
