For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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