I hate your face
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
