I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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