so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
