that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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