god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize