either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
