This girl is more easily done than said...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
two words: eviction party
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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