I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
