Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
