thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize