i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
