i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
