i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize