I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just pee around me
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
