also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
