we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
