hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
