I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
