just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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