Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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