I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
