3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
