I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm jealous of your bromance
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
