my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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