did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
What a dumb baby whore.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
