haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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