I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
