if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
