You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
