The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
