I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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