ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
