carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
