The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
