Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
