um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
