where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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