people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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