you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
