i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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