8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
