Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
