im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
