HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
