As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
