just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
