She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
