Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
