I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
