So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
