you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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