your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
