Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
