how can u be prego again
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
