conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
