Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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