Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize