He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
