i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
