not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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