I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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