Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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