I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
