I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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