I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
