if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
it glows. i had to have it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize