that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
