i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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