I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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