My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
